My musings about my life. Probably boring to most, but writing is a great outlet for me. I just finished transferring my old blog content to this one, so some of my entries are dated from the past. Some of my entries contain adult content. They are marked as such. Sit down, draw up a chair, prop up your feet, grab a cup of coffee, and muse with me.
The above is a link to a story posted last night on CNN.com. Ten Americans working for an Idaho based charity loaded up a bus of Haitian children they presumed to be orphans and tried to drive them across the border to their facility in the Dominican Republic. They insist they were trying to provide shelter for these children. That's very admirable. The problem? They didn't get the proper paperwork and now are being investigated as kidnappers. It was not properly ascertained that the children were truly orphans and they did not go through the channels for exit visas or whatever they use in Haiti to get the children out.
The article quotes them as insisting they had good intentions. Well, we all know the old adage about the road to hell. I admire their commitment to their cause, I admire their desire to help. What I do not admire is their apparent disregard for authority because they were working under "God's" purposes. I hope other groups will take note that even though Haiti was ravaged by earthquake, they still care for their people. I just had to laugh when I read this quote though:
"God is our provider and God gives us strength and comfort," said one group member. "We have our Bibles and we are OK."
Your Bible won't save you when you refuse to respect the laws of the land you're in. Even Jesus recognized that when he said to render unto Caesar what is Caesar's.
A very dear, dear girlfriend hit me up on FB chat the other night. We have been trying to plan a visit for over two years. We met while I lived in Colorado Springs. My ex was stationed there with the Army at a mutliservice post. She was stationed there with the Navy. We became incredibly good friends. She got out of the Navy shortly before I moved back home in early 2007. We have kept in pretty close contact but haven't seen each other since Colorado. We keep trying to make plans but they always seem to fall through.
In fact, New Year's Eve this year she had told me we had to make a trip work this year or she wasn't my friend anymore. I knew she was joking, but I agreed that we HAD to make something work. Cut to mid January and Bill's bff deciding we all needed an adult only getaway. Gulf Shores midFebruary it is! We rented a beach house for the weekend and took the necessary days off. My friend told me she might be able to make a trip work easier now as her and her girlfriend were "on a break". I told her she was welcome here anytime, I could try to get down there, or, HEY! come meet us in Gulf Shores! She lives a little north of NOLA so Gulf Shores is quite a bit closer to her than Nashville.
I was very sad to hear about her relationship. I know she's been trying very hard to make it work for quite awhile, over a year at least. I've sat and listened when she's called, trying to just be there for her. And she's been there for me. She was through the demise of my marriage and through my painful adjustment to my new life following my divorce. So she told me they were on a break and she was back at her parents' house for the moment. When I told Bill (we all know I have no secrets from him) he snorted and said, "That's not a break. That's a BREAK UP. Honey, I need a break, go move in with your parents for awhile." I understood what he meant and also knew he wasn't trying to be mean, he was just observing.
I got tickled picturing him telling me he needed a break and to move back in with my parents. Then I became pretty sad for my friend. I know she's an intelligent individual. She knows as well as I do that convincing her they're on a "break" ties her down to the hope of a relationship that might or might not be there when the "break" is over. If she's willing to wait, I admire that. I just hope she's not holding out hope and is being set up for disappointment. My heart hurts for her.
I'm going to confess a horrible little secret of mine. Some days *whisper voice* I really, really don't want to be a mom. Not that I don't love my daughter. Not that she doesn't light up my life. It's just that some days, when work has been crazy and dinner hasn't even been thawed yet I wish someone else could do everything I need to do, including bathing the kiddo, and I could just... veg. Does anyone else have those days where they just want to disconnect? I guess I should really say I don't want to be a girlfriend or housekeeper either some days. It's pretty much all inclusive. Some days, I just want a Calgon take me away moment. Anybody else get that?
Saturday I made my monthly trip down to see my Nana in Huntsville. I dropped my lil one off with my mom on the way down, and would be picking her back up the next day. Almost two years ago, well before I moved to Nashville and in with Bill, my aunt had been overwhelmed with her job, her husband ailing with Crohn's Disease, and my Nana who was still trying to live on her own in the house she used to share with my grandfather. I called her one night, asked her if it would help if I came down that Saturday and took Nana off her hands for the day. She said yes. That fall day I spent with Nana was the first of one Saturday a month for as long as they need me. I try not to go on kid weekends, as we love our family time too. I try to go when Bill can go with me, but with his work schedule lately that hasn't happened too often. But I go. I get Nana out of her apartment in the assisted living home, and off my aunt's hands for the day.
I had with me her birthday present. I would not be back down before her birthday in early February. I got her photos of my lil one and I. It's what she really wants anyway. When I went to pick her up she was so excited to see me. She was sporting a bandage on her hand but trying to hide it. I asked her what happened. "Oh I fell last night after supper." I had talked to both my dad and my aunt that morning, neither had told me she had fallen. "I haven't told D (my aunt) yet. And I think I talked to your dad last night after I fell, but I didn't tell him." Just like an impish child, she grinned and giggled at her secret. She had not left a light on when she went down to dinner and when she came back instead of turning the light on by the door she had opted to walk to her recliner and turn on the lamp. She tripped over something she'd left in the floor. She cut her hand on the corner of the coffee table and jammed her thumb. Luckily one of her neighbors (nosy neighbors probably) had heard her rustling around for some peroxide and made her go to the nurse. We were not mad, but we are concerned. Especially when she told me she had laid on the floor for two or three minutes worried she had broken her hip. Her apartment is equipped with pull cords but she did not have a life alert since she was in the "independent" floor. We remedied that on Monday. She now has a life alert as well.
So off we went. As she was getting in the car she told me she has gotten fat because her caboose is big. I told her I don't think it's fat, I think it's genetics. For a moment I worried I'd give her a complex about her behind (she's always been a huge worrier) until I realized she'd forget what I said in moments. We went to Applebee's where she likes their fried chicken salad. We sat and gabbed like girlfriends. At one point she leaned across the table from me, lowered her voice dramatically, and said, "You know, I'm really concerned..." I thought, "Oh no, here it comes. A lecture about living with a man who's not my husband and sending me to hell." Instead she whispered, "I'm afraid I have Alzheimer's." It took all my self-control not to laugh. I said, "Well, what's the doctor say?" "Oh, I haven't been to the doctor," she smarted. I knew different. She had just undergone memory testing late last year again and had been on Aricept for a year. I just went along with her.
She told me about her friends at the home, er, retirement village. She told me about two men who she gets drinks for at meals. Hollie has severely advanced Crohn's Disease and likes cranberry juice. Mr. Spears likes milk, no ice. Then she went on about how much she missed my grandfather. I know she does. But I also know it's nice for her to have others to mother over. As I was paying the check she tried to beat me to the punch. I refused. Her driver's license caught her eye and she asked me why she still had it. I told her she needed it for identification purposes.
We tried to make a grocery list but she couldn't remember what she needed. I knew my aunt had bought her some groceries earlier that week so I wasn't real concerned. She did say she needed a new watch battery and wanted to get some more lipstick. On to WalMart we went. We hit the makeup section and she pulled out her lipstick tube. I swear she bought it before I was born. It did say Revlon so I tried to match it as best I could. In the end she decided she had enough to make it to a few more weeks of church services, and we put all of them back. Then we hit up the jewelry department for that new battery. As we stood waiting our turn I looked down at the watch. It was working, just set to the wrong time. I reset it and told her to put it on. When we left I told her we would check and make sure it was keeping time. I knew we'd be awhile.
After the jewelry department we headed over to the food side where we didn't have a list so we wander aimlessly for about forty-five minutes. We ended up with two bags of red delicious apples, one pack of paper towels, one box of nutty butter bars, and a can of tuna. Since we didn't have that much we got in line at the "Speedy Checkout". I know those people behind us were cussing us up a storm. We had to find her one check. She carries two but one is meant for church. Then we had to pull out her driver's license. I reminded her this was why she should keep her driver's license. She didn't remember asking me about it earlier. As we were loading up in the car I saw a Dollar Tree. My grandfather had loved that store. She asked me what it was, not remembering the times they went. "Can we go there?" she asked, timidly. "If you're up to it, SURE!" I said, explaining to her that everything in the store was $1. We hadn't been in ten minutes when she asked how much something was. :) She bought two Valentine's Day cards but wouldn't say who they were for. I have my suspicions.
So home again, home again, jiggity jig we were. She gave me the grand tour, showing me where she eats, where she got stuck on a stationary bike in the gym because she didn't know how to get back off, and introduced me to all her friends. She knew I was her granddaughter but asked me four times how many she had. One gentleman, whom she loudly whispered in my ear was a BAPTIST PREACHER, told her for all the money she pays to live there to leave that light on all the time that caused her to fall. I agreed with him. She was fussing over her thumb, saying it felt better but she didn't remember hitting it when she fell. I laughed and told her she didn't remember to turn her light on, so her not remembering she hit her thumb didn't hold much water with me. She laughed. I asked her if I was too hard on her. She said, "No! That keeps me sharp!"
So I took my leave late afternoon. I repeated how long my trip back home would take no less than three times. It is a two and a half hour trip. She thanked me profusely for coming and taking her out. I truly enjoyed it. We're loosing her fast but that day was a good day. Sure enough, she called me two hours into my trip home. "ARE YOU HOME YET???" "Almost, Nana, almost." "Okay! I just wanted to make sure!" There is a Rascal Flatts song about Alzmeimer's which has a line, "We started loosing her when she lost him." That certainly applies here. We started slowly loosing her when my grandfather passed. He was her rock, her everything. I emailed my sister when I got back. Urged her, even though she's in Atlanta and busy with her three kids and one on the way, she should try to get to see Nana before too long. My little sister had just been down the weekend before. Nana doesn't remember that I come one Saturday a month. She told me she hadn't seen me in six months. We're loosing her fast. The Aricept was only supposed to buy us a year to eighteen months. I think we're there. So one Saturday a month I'll continue to head south, down the stretch of I65 that is beautiful no matter the season, and cherish the times I have left with her.
Assumptions are funny things. They are illusions. You think you have it all figured out. Then, *bam*, wrong! Last Friday was Bill's son's 6th birthday. We went to Chuck E. Cheese. Yes, willingly we went to CEC. That was all his son's little heart desired for his birthday. No presents, he'd gotten almost everything he wanted at Christmastime. He just wanted to go to CEC. So, we went.
Now, let me set the stage for you. Last fall a woman who I had come to consider part of my family, my bff, and all that implied, lied to me about Bill. She told me he said something to his best friend, the guy she is currently sleeping with. What did I do? I did what anyone would do with their partner. I confronted him. I asked him if he had said whatever it was she said he said. (Was that as hard to follow for you as it was for me?) Granted, we'd had a few bad months but I wasn't about to accuse him without giving him a chance to explain. Turns out there was nothing to explain. He hadn't said what she said he said to his best friend. And his best friend hadn't turned around and in some form of pillow talk told her he said whatever it was he didn't say. Bill's best friend is one of those guys that has integrity and discretion. Even if Bill had said something to him, he never would have told her to let it get back to me. It would have never been repeated.
So that was last fall. Since then she has become fairly frosty. I almost feel like we broke up. We used to text constantly, girl talking about anything and everything. Bill thinks it's because she knows I don't have any secrets from him and she worries about what I may or may not tell him that he may or may not repeat to his best friend. For two weeks she didn't say a word to me. Then Bill's best friend had a Halloween party and she showed up. She had a few shots and then we were bffs again. Then morning dawned and she was frosty again. Thanksgiving she went to her mom's in Kentucky. No contact for five days and then she returned asking me to watch her children so she could go out with another guy. Now I know her and Bill's best friend aren't exclusive, but that puts me in a very awkward position. I refused. Again, no contact for quite awhile. Christmas she shows up to the family gathering still frosty. At this point I'm exhausted from the roller coaster.
She had told me around Christmastime that she and he were getting closer. I was surprised, as she hadn't been speaking to me and he doesn't. I thought maybe they might become a couple. She certainly spent a lot of time with him. And he needed someone. Maybe they would be a match.
And so, my New Year's Resolution was somewhat introspective. I knew my bff had plans for NYE. We had invited her over and she had said she had an epic weekend planned. Her kids would be with their dad. New Year's Eve Bill and I had invited some friends over. They came down with whatever was going around. We rescheduled for the weekend after, telling them to be selfish and keep that shit to themselves. Bill called his best friend and we saddled up and headed north to his house. We cooked a roast, fixed the kid mini cocktails, and watched the ball drop. Bill's best friend had his daughter and we had our two smaller ones. I couldn't help but think as I was sitting there watching the ball drop, then accepting Bill's New Year's Kiss, that if she really cared for him, she would be spending NYE with him. He was going to sit at home alone with his daughter on NYE.
We were out at his house that night, the next day, and then that night and that next day. We spent almost the whole weekend out there letting the kids play and making snow. Yes, making snow. He had built his own snow machine. The kids played in 18" of the white stuff all weekend. We got great pictures.
Just as we were leaving that afternoon, she showed up. She was telling me all about her weekend and how her liver had disowned her. And that was that. A week or so goes by and then she hits me up on text again. Quite out of the blue, "You don't have to worry about setting up _______ with that girl from your office. We're getting all relationshippy again."I was taken aback. Last summer Bill's bff had asked me to bring some eyecandy on his boat. I had invited a girl from work. Then right before Christmas my coworker's boyfriend up and moved to Florida for a job, leaving her here. Bill's bff told me to make sure she had somewhere to go for Christmas or she could come to our family gathering. I did. She had somewhere to go and that, I thought, was the end of it. This was the girl from my office she was referring to. I told her there had never been any grand plan and I didn't know they were getting relationshippy again. She told me she was there four nights a week. That doesn't make a relationship. That makes a very easy booty call. Anyway, I concluded our conversation and, following Bill's advice, didn't say anything to his best friend. But, I would not lie to him if asked.
Last week Bill's best friend texted me, "SO what's up with that girl at your office?" I took a deep breath and responded, "I was told not to set you up." His response was quick and sad, "I don't remember telling you that. :/" What followed was his confusion as to why women have to force relationships and my advice that he have "that" conversation with her. He said he had, twice. Apparently it hadn't taken. So that brings us back to Friday night, the first time they had seen each other since our conversation, and the first time I had seen her since a few days after New Year's.
Buckle Up, Here We Go
She was nice but not open like I had hoped. Things were incredibly frosty between the two of them. He wasn't happy at all. We partied until midnight and the kids had a grand old time. I was left still confused. I could analyze it six ways to Sunday, as if I haven't already, but I still am just left at this: My New Year's Resolution was to be the kind of friend I wanted to be. This was a long and winding road to get here, but I want to be the type of friend I want to have, so I am not caught unaware with assumptions of true, deep, lasting friendship.
I know, I know, long time, no blog. My new job keeps me incredibly busy. There's not as much time for internet activites, while I love them. Heck, I don't even have much time to read Elizabeth I biographies, which Bill mercilessly makes fun of me for.
We had all the kids for Christmas, except mine. She went to visit her dad. She returns tomorrow. If you Facebook, all the photos are there. Add me if you want to see them. We still have K until Sunday.
Last night we were up late watching a movie. I've lost 20 pounds since March. I get up early and work out on my elliptical (almost) everyday. But, alas, we were up late and I slept in. This evening when I got home I jumped on it real quick before dinner. I heard the boys laughing and having a grand time in the living room. When I finished my workout and walked back up the stairs into the living room there was the love of my life, my partner, my manly man, sitting in the floor in his tshirt and underwear, molding a snowman out of PlayDo. I stood there a minute, and just watched him play with his son. K hasn't been getting naps this week, so he's been whiny at times but in that moment, and seeing the silly picture they made, I fell in love with him again.
Our life isn't perfect, but it sure is good. This year he took a pretty large paycut and things haven't been as, luxurious, as in the past. In fact he looked at me the other night and asked me, "It's for better or for worse, right?" I got tickled and said, "Honey, I don't recall making those vows with you." He laughed and then said, "Well, this is pretty much the worst." I thought, "This is the worst? I can handle this." Life is good. I fall asleep every night with his arms around me. I wake up every morning, work out, shower, and jump back in bed for a few precious minutes of snuggles. And you know what? He reaches for me.
Home really is where the heart is. And my heart resides in his arms. As much as I should probably be a "modern woman" and crow about how I don't need a man, I desperately need him. And, since I'm proclaiming it here publically, apparently I'm not afraid to show it.
She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. He had no idea how much she had needed that today. She told him so.
Vibrations from her phone soon after. "I may have been distant, but I still need you more than ever."
She sighed. In those few words, her faith in them renewed, her heart full. They're busy. They're stressed, more now than ever before. But this isn't something to walk away from because it's a little difficult.
Her phone vibrated again, "One more week on the remodel, and work should be better this nxt couple months i should be much more loving."
She was taken back to days early in their relationship. They had become heavily invested fairly quickly. She was always a worrier and worried then about them. "Don't you worry about me baby. I'm pretty invested. I'll keep up." he told her then.
So she sighed again, the memory fresh in her mind, picked up her phone, and simply said, "I'm pretty invested. I'll wait."
My lil one was sick last weekend. She just wasn't herself. We were camping and I assumed the heat had gotten to her. The weekend before she had had a virus with fever. Monday she had seemed okay that morning so she went to school. When I went to pick her up she was asleep. Her tummy hurt, she had refused to go poop in the bathroom facilities at the camp ground, and she was all stopped up. I was concerned. I tend to do the normal first time mom thing and spaz about her at every little thing.
Bill made the point that I needed to try to clean her out. I headed to WalGreen's to try to figure something out and on the way felt a pang of longing for the days when I could simply call my mom. I called my dad's sister, my aunt, instead. You see, my cousin had told me once whenever I felt like I didn't have a mom or daddy to call them. She said they'd be there. They were. Aunt D gave me some advice and some sympathy. It was just what I needed.
I picked up some PediaLax chewable tablets after consulting with the pharmacists and Aunt D. I aldo grabbed some apple juice, also Aunt D's advice. It worked QUICKLY. By dark C was bouncing around and acting like her old self once again.
I cannot express how much it meant to me that Aunt D treated me like her own. She was kind and compassionate, and really filled a huge void at the time. I mentioned it to my cousin today and she said, "Well, you'll always be family!"
I emailed my mom a couple of recent photos of C last night. It went to her school address and I don't know if they're back in school yet. Oh well. I know it will do her good to see them. I really miss my family but my parents aren't the only family I have and for that I am very greatful.
We have been busy. B-U-S-Y. Bill's been working on a friend's boat so we can hopefully take it out for the 4th. I started a new job. The kids are always time consuming. To say I've felt disconnected from him is an understatement.
Last night I texted him about something I missed and he simply texted back, "I do too." Many times, just knowing he misses me and feels the same is enough. I was asleep when he got in last night, trying to get My Last Dime running. This morning I got up to start coffee and crawled back in bed for a few more precious minutes of shut eye. He was on his back so I snuggled up next to him and lay my head on his chest. He stirred and reached down to me. He hooked his finger under my chin, pulled my face up, and softly kissed my lips. Then we fell back into slumber. For the moment, that was enough. Being treated sweetly and cherishingly, no matter how brief, keeps me happy.
This morning on my way to work I had texted him a sweet song lyric. His response? "I got a good woman's lovin'". The line is from Montgomery Gentry's "Lucky Man". Simple acts of love keep me happy.
The new job keeps me busy. I'm only on myspace during the weekend it seems. I have the app on my Blackberry but it can't do blogs yet. :(
Yesterday we got the boat out on the water to see if the fixing really fixed it. We were out on the water all day long. C is pink, but I am BURNT. I had a blast though. I went tubin'. TWICE. Even I can't believe it. My arms are so sore from holding on, but I had a blast! Life is good. We have good friends (and not just because they happen to have boats or kids our age), a nice home, and a love that I never knew existed.
I wanted to write a long, drawn out, meaningful blog, but I'm wiped. Just checking in...
Boy, that's a four letter word if I ever heard one. I was married once. I was young and full of hope and desires. I. Wanted. To. Be. His. Wife. We had a whirlwind courtship of about a year with a seven month deployment to Afghanistan in there. Marriage is hard. Next to motherhood marriage is the hardest thing I've ever done. Things weren't perfect. Things that were a problem before the marriage were a problem after the marriage. Stupidly I assumed we would be different. It was hard. We were happy, for a time. Then the newness wore off and real life came into full view. Things weren't perfect and I don't deny that. I'm not the easiest person to live with. Of course, he's probably not either.
The past few days I've been watching those reality wedding shows. What strikes me more than anything is these people have NO idea what they're doing. Do they love each other? Sure they do. When I watch a show or go to a wedding now I don't see a young couple full of promise. I see months or years of work invested in this one day. Monstorus amounts of money and resources are poured into this one day. Half or more of marriages end in divorce. I can't help but think if they poured as much time and attention into their relationship as they had their wedding maybe they wouldn't.
My family hates that Bill and I aren't married. None of them have ever been divorced. They don't understand that vows can be broken, many times with very little effort. They don't understand the sentiment that "I don't hate him enough to marry him." Don't get me wrong, I think marriage can be a wonderful thing. I think of it sort of like I think of Mule Day in my hometown. Its a cultural experience everyone should have once and if you go again, then its your own damn fault.
Will Bill and I ever get married? I don't know. Right now I don't really care. I can say this: that my relationship with Bill hasn't always been easy either. However, we work on it. And I'd have to say I work harder now and give him more consideration than I did my exhusband. As you get older and grow you learn things. You learn how to cope better and react less severely. My older sister doesn't get why I don't just GET MARRIED. Why wouldn't I want to? Bill stays because he wants to. He stays because his desire is to be by my side. Its simply not a priority right now. Guess I just don't get the phenomenon...
Current mood:reflective Category: Romance and Relationships
I first heard/saw this song Thursday before Mother's Day. I love Taylor Swift's honesty and way she can just articulate her songs in a relatable way. I also cried my eyes out when I heard this song. My mom and I haven't spoken since I followed through on my promise to my father that if he ever said he wanted to take my child again he would not be allowed to see her. Since my divorce my mantra has been "People treat you the way you allow them to." This is a very courageous and lofty ideal, but it has also cost me some things. It is never acceptable for someone to say they want to take your child. I have stood by that statement and, thusly, lost my parents. And because I lost my parents I am not allowed to contact my 17 year old little sister. It probably cost me my first job post-divorce as I refused to allow one of the hot shot real estate agents to speak to me like I was a waitress at a strip club. (There's nothing wrong with waitressing anywhere, but I believe I, like everyone else, deserves respect.) It has cost me the respect of my current (for one more day) CEO since I was 18 months without a raise and went out and found my own raise in the form of a new job. But I do not regret it. It is very true that people treat you the way you allow them to and I am no exception. For years I was a doormat. No more.
You never know how strong you are until you have no other option and lately I have had no other option. Without Bill I'm not sure I would have made it. He has been my rock. But I know, deep down, I am a strong individual. A few years ago a friend of mine told me, "Allison, you're a strong woman. You're stronger than those antidepressant drugs you lean on." He was right. I used those drugs and my diagnosed disorder as an excuse not to do things or be strong and take care of business. In the past year since removing the toxic feelings of guilt and "not good enoughs" from my life I have come completely off my meds, held down a full time job while completing my degree ON TIME (the last semester I took 18 hours), and cultivating a wonderful family life. I am stronger than I ever thought possible. But I'm still a crybaby.
I cry at the drop of a hat most times. This video was no exception. Last night C and I went to get some ice cream at the local Dairy Queen. When I handed her her soft serve with the signature DQ curly cue on top I told her, "Eat the curly cue first, that's the best part!" My sincere hope is I can not only raise a daughter, with the help of her father and Bill, that knows the big, important values, but also I can raise her appreciating the little things, like picking flowers outside, or knowing what the best part of the ice cream is to eat first. You see, those little lessons are just as important as the large ones.
In the last verse Taylor sings about when she was three and in that video her mom is the prettiest lady she's ever seen. I always thought that about my mother too. I hope one day we can come together again and enjoy this time we have left together without judgement. It is hard to realize you can love someone so much but cannot see eye to eye and enjoy your time with them. As I said in my response to my father's letter telling me goodbye he sent certified mail, my daughter will know about the good times with him and mom. Those are the important ones.
Any lessons you want to make sure to teach YOUR children?
The above song is a Montgomery Gentry coutry song that came out a few years ago. Bill is teaching himself to play it on his guitar and sing it as well. Everytime I hear that song, especially now, after we have made a home together, it gets me right there...
When he and I were first dating, but not exclusively, he had texted me a few lines from that song, "God's given me a pretty fair hand." At the time I was freshly divorced and scared to death. I had never heard that song, but agreed with him God had given him a pretty fair hand. One late Saturday night after watching a movie he had fallen asleep on my couch and I had gone on ahead to bed. I awoke to him crouching beside me just watching me. We began to talk about our plans, what we wanted, etc. At the time I was so scared I couldn't tell him I wanted him and only him. I was too scared it would turn out badly. That night we agreed we would continue dating but see other people. After he walked out my door I almost ran after him but couldn't find my damn shoes. I heard his truck roar off into the night and I cried at what I thought was the wrong decision I had just made.
The next Monday morning I was commuting to work and that song came on. By the first chorus I was in tears. I realized I'd just screwed up BIG TIME. Boy did I make the wrong decision. I called him and told him I'd just heard the song. We left lots unsaid that day, but that day, that morning, that commute, that song, was a turning point for me. At the end of the day, I wanted him, and only him. Everything else be damned. I knew when I made my last call of the day, I wanted it to be to him.
It wasn't easy, getting to where we are now. But it has been worth it. We have ups and downs, just like everyone else. A dear friend asked me the other day, "You're really happy, aren't you?" I sighed, I thought a minute, and I said, "It's the weirdest thing, even when I'm mad at him, I'm happy." Lord knows I'm not the easiest person to live with (ask my exhusband) but he is my calming influence, he is the laughter in my eyes, he is the asshole I can't help but adore.
This song applies to him in more ways than I can think of. Gid has given him a pretty fair hand. He's got a house and piece of land, a few dollars at his fingertips. His old truck was traded in a few months ago for a Jeep, but it was still running good. His ticker is ticking like they say it should. I fixed supper tonight and would hope he considers mine a good woman's loving. And he has one more day to be his children's dad. He is a very lucky man. And I'm smart enough to know I'm a very lucky woman.
Yesterday I was downstairs at my hospital where they were having an accessories sale to benefit the auxillary or somesuch. They do this every so often. It's great, it's like a mall at my work :D! Anyway, as I was waiting to check out there was a lady in front of me who wouldn't QUIT talking to the clerk. I was have done retail, and by necessity, quite a bit of loss prevention. I saw her slip a small wallet photo holder into the bag she handed the clerk to pay for. My alarm went off... The sharp eyed clerk pulled it out and added it to her total. She kept talking about the weather and the great merchandise and finally she paid for her purchases. As she was about to walk away I saw a shiny ring on her hand. Before I could say something the clerk said, "Ma'am, did you want to purchase that ring?" She looked up, surprised, and then to her coworker, before jerking it off and apologizing profusely. Then she walked as fast as she could to the cafeteria where I ended up behind her in line again.
She had one shoulder that sat lower than the other, indicative of a surgery or injury, the kind my office usually braces in the correct position for healing. As a lady she knew walked by she asked how the shoulder was. She told her she was in therapy but it was ok because "I've got Jesus on my side. He's always there for me and He'll get me through." Now, I'm not knocking Jesus in anyway, but since I had just witnessed her intentionally shoplift, I was disgusted. THAT. REALLY. PISSES. ME. OFF. Proclaim your love for Jesus but steal anyway... I hate hypocrits!
Saturday when we went to visit Nana at her retirement community we talked to the security guard at the front desk for a few minutes. He was good ole Alabama boy with a great smile and funny anecdotes. He was also a big ole boy. :D Somehow we got to talking about cremation. He said, "Well, when I die I'm going to have my body creamted and donate the ashes to the State Highway Department of Alabama. I figure I'm big enough they can use me to patch one of these potholes we got around here."
Bill and I are STILL laughing about that... And he was right, he's big enough to do it.
We loaded up Saturday and headed down to see Nana, Bill, C, K, and me. Yes, on the day of my college graduation I went to see my Nana. She was pretty impressed she "rated" high enough for my to ditch the ceremony for her. That was where I wanted to be anyway. While there Bill hung some large pictures in Nana's new apartment and generally charmed the pants off my Nana, my aunt, and my cousin. Some men have it, some men don't. BILL is loaded with it. Last weekend my father informed my 83 year old alzheimer's suffering Nana that he and I were fighting. All that did was make her upset and worry. She worries about every little thing. Then she told me she was worried about her yard getting done since my dad took her mower back to his home in Tennessee. I was beyond disgusted when she told me, "I don't know why he took my mower. Its not like her ever comes and mows." My dad? Has three mowers sitting under his carport already.
Right before we left Bill told Nana he would bring anchors so we could hang her mirror and sconces where she wanted them in the fire barrier wall. She told him he didn't need to make a special trip. He smiled that charming smile of his and said, "Well, Nana, when you think about it, every trip down here is pretty special." *Swoon* Even my aunt looked at me and said, "Oh, that was good." Some men have it, some men don't. HE is loaded with it.
When we left she hugged him and told him in not so many words she wanted to hate his guts but can't because he's such a special person. She hates that were not married. I hate that she worries. At this point if we don't bring it up, she doesn't remember and doesn't get upset. She told me several times I am the only one that comes and does anything. That's not true, my cousin is there a lot too. But my younger sister is at the mercy of my parents and she can't come all the time. My older sister is a SAHM of three small children and doesn't get up there much. My older cousin is a flight nurse in Florida so it's not a hop skip and jump for her. I simply want to spend time with her and I want my daughter to know her. It's just what you do for family. She did lament several times how she hasn't seen my mom in "I don't know when." I hate that she misses mom and loves her so much and never sees her. She really thinks of her as a daughter. Once again, Que Sera, Sera.
K loved and hugged and charmed Nana and my cousin so much that they were begging us to bring him back. We hadn't gotten out of the parking lot at Nana's assisted living when K was already asking when he was going to get to see "his" cousin again. He's a charmer. C was more subdued. There were storms moving through and she tends to react badly to pressure changes. She cuddled with my cousin at dinner and enjoyed that.
Everytime Bill and I go and visit he endears himself to me more and more. He takes care of my family like he takes care of his own. He is kind and patient with Nana and with C. He is personable with everyone. And the women in my family are starving for positive nonsexual male attention. He's got that in spades. I am a very lucky woman.
Yesterday I slept until 10ish. I think I was supposed to get up around nine but vaguely remember telling Bill, "I DON'T WANT TO!" We took the kids with us to a flower place in Nolensville. On the way we were stopped at a red light and didn't go as fast as the guy behind us wanted us to. He honked. Bill went on and then all of a sudden we stopped. I heard brakes squealing and Bill was out of the jeep and at the other driver's door before I could react. The other driver, fresh from Sunday church, by the way, had been flipping us off and jumping his wheel driving WAAAAAY too close. Bill handled it and got back in the Jeep. He had gotten so upset because we had the children in with us. If we hadn't, he said he wouldn't have been so worried. I just can't help but wonder what the preacher talked about at that man's church that morning...?
The flower place we wanted to go to was closed to we headed to Lowe's. I put the little ones in the race car cart and walked around with them while they "drove" and Bill picked out a burning bush and a few other things for the yard. The kids bickered like preschoolers will. C accidently poked K in the eye and the rest of the day he kept asking me if it was bleeding. I heard plenty of "She's touching me!"s and "You have your OWN wheel!"s Four different people wished me Happy Mother's Day. Ah, children...
When we got back the little ones picked flowers for their mommies all afternoon. They got filthy but were so happy. They even ran around for about thirty minutes singing a made up song, "It's happy flower day!" over and over and over. They are happy children.
We took K back to his mom's house and talked to his older sister for awhile. She is graduating this Friday from high school. She's quite excited and I don't blame her. Bill looked at her car to see if he could fix a few things on it and I ran and got us all icecream. It was nice, sitting in the yard, hanging out. I didn't wear a watch all day. I loved it!
We have finished The West Wing at home and have started on my show, Alias. I own all six seasons. It's bringing back a lot of memories. I fell asleep with Bill's arms around me.
She fled the restaurant where the board of directors meeting had gone on far too long. All night she'd been sneaking looks at her phone. Text messages had been teasing her all evening. He was waiting. He was waiting for her.
She pulled into the driveway, already anticipating being in his arms again. The house was dark. She turned the knob. It gave way. The portal opened revealing flickering candlelight coming from the bedroom. She heard him begin to play his guitar, she sighed. She slowly slipped her pumps off her feet, her jacket from her shoulders, and her skirt down her hips. She rounded the corner to his bedroom in simply her tank top and panties. Simple. His. She went to him. He played for her. The notes thumping through her body. When she was lulled into comfort he set the instrument aside and reached for her. She went to him, willingly, achingly.
The intense passion that followed was something she'd never experienced before. When she got up to leave she saw the candles had burned low. In the low light she could just make out black smudges on the wall just above where the pillows lay on the bed. Puzzled, she looked at her hands. Her palms were smeared with mascara. She hadn't even noticed.
She drove home in the late, dark night, distracted. Thinking of him. Thinking of their chemistry they had together. And, laughing, wondering if he would ever get the mascara off his wall, or if he'd leave it there. She knew everytime she looked at that spot on the wall she'd smile and remember.
. . . Since i was touched on the shoulder (and by the "shoulder" i mean the comments) and told "Tag!" Being the somewhat narcissistic bint that i am, i am positively leaping on the opportunity to spout random bits about myself that most people will go "Huh! Whaddayaknowboutdat!" to, and then get on with their lives.
In short, i love being tagged, even though no one i ever tag ever plays along with me.
The Rules.
That's right, every good game has rules. They are as follows:
*The body of the blog shall consist of ten random facts, habits, goals, etc, about you, the Tagged. No under- or over-achieving. *Once you are finished, you transition from the Tagged to the Tagger. You are to then list ten people to tag (you can even write why these victims are selected, if you so desire). *Leave these ten people a comment, advising them of their status as the Tagged, and what to do now that this event has befallen them. *No tag-backs. We all should have learned that in early childhood. *Advise the Tagger upon completion, that they may glean some knowledge about you, the Tagged, and thus complete the viscious circle.
My list:
1. I am engaged in a war on bugs. It's getting warmer and we can't keep the ants out of our kitchen or the lice out of my lil one's hair. Actually, that's not true. We can keep them out of her hair, but apparently the little girl at school she plays with can't keep them out of hers. And this little girl likes to share. :(
2. I am in the LAST WEEK of my bachelor's degree. This semester to finish on time I took 18 hours. I work a 40 hour, full time job. Bill and I have five kids. Yeah, it's no wonder I'm a little stressed.
3. When Bill and I met face to face for the first time (we'd known each other awhile) it was St. Patrick's Day. Every year since on the morning of St. Patrick's Day I've woken up to "Hey Honey, it's happy go get a new piece of ass day!" He's nothing if not witty...
4. I have an odd obsession with laundry. I hate to have it all over the floor. I do laundry constantly. Even when there's none to do I'll dig up some curtains or something and toss them in.
5. Two years after I started spending time in Bill's home and a year after I took up residence here, I still don't know how to use the coffee maker timer so I don't have to get up in the morning and punch the "brew now" button.
6. Music in the car makes me happy. Especially Kenny Chesney or Brad Paisley.
7. Ordering my college ring was one of the proudest moments of my life. It meant I had done it. And I even engraved "Screw the Doubters" on the inside. I figured "Fuck you, Dad" would be rejected. Asshat said I'd never finish.
8. My best friend is the absolute best best friend in the entire world. Not every young woman who hates children would love yours like she does, or keep her for five days so you can take a much needed vacation! (PS - My other BFFs are pretty awesome too!)
9. I never did throw that party I promised myself I would when I did my first tag about a year ago when my daughter became potty trained. Maybe I should now...
10. I am selfishly looking forward to the end of June when my daughter's dad takes her for 3ish weeks. I love her more than life itself, but desperately need a break.
I hate you, lice, for making my life a walking nightmare. I see you little buggers everywhere. When my head itches, even the slightest, I get cold sweats. When C scratches her head I want to shave her head. When I see people on TV touch their heads together I think "CONTAMINATION!" You cost us $300 in electricity, water, laundry detergent, and dryer sheets. I don't even want to think about how much the "lice treament" kits cost us. I'm guessing around $50 all said and done. PLUS the little combs, etc. I don't know why you like C's head so much. I know her hair is thick and beautiful, but GEEZ so are lots of kid's. And I swear if C doesn't quit playing with the little girl who gave her lice (again) I'm going to have to change her schools. I can't take another episode.
Ok, I've been a little MIA the past few days. Yesterday I passed out at work. We've figured out it was low carbing with out adding protein. Bump on the head, and a couple other places, but I'm ok. C caught lice at school again from the same little girl she caught it last time. I don't have it, Bill doesn't have it, none of our kids have it, but the center director told me the same other little girl is out too and she and C play together often. I present my thesis tomorrow. It's been a little stressful.
Today I pulled a letter from my dad out of the mailbox, sent my registered mail. I know him pretty well, he does that so he can prove it was received. It said the following:
Quote:
Dad PO Box %%% Town, ST 55555
Me $$$ Street Town, ST 77777
Dear Me,
We are in receipt of your email reply to your mother, who tells me she replied to you. I have not seen her response, but I am submitting my own, which is brief.
(1) I would never (*)kidnap, (*) brainwash, or (*) otherwise harm DD.
(2) You wish independence from us. Your mother and I agree with each other: You have it. You are on your own.
(3) We also insist that you leave our child alone. We do not want her influenced by you, and just as you have done regarding your own child, we direct that you have no contact with our daughter Little Sister, directly or indirectly. She has a Godly sister and her children to access anytime she feels the need.
Obviously, I cannot wish you well in your chosen life. We are quite concerned for DD's welfare. I hope you are up to nurturing and protecting her.
If you return to God, please drop by and see us.
Love and bye,
Signature
Your dad
I had Bill open and read it first to see if I should even bother. He told me I should read it but it was going to piss me off. I went into the kitchen to fix dinner and cried for about 90 seconds, then our 5 y/o came in, asking if I would like to share the stickers he got at his checkup today for not kicking the shot lady when she gave him 4 shots. Then he asked to fix dinner with me and C came in to help too. It was then that I realized life would go on and I kind of already mourned this seperation last week.
I got the call the C has lice again from daycare yesterday. As I was trying to talk to the daycare I started to feel weak and then woke up on the floor. I'm a little stressed apparently. Also, I had been low carbing without upping my protein intake enough. Oops... I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow, the semester is fast coming to a close, and work is always somewhat stressful. The lice was apparently the straw the broke the camel's back.
My coworker got me up and maintained. We made sure there were no serious injuries. Bump on the head, bruise on the shin (from the computer tower), and bump on the shoulder. I'm pretty sure there's some carpet burn on my knee too. My coworker called Bill from my phone. Bill said he was a little disconcerted to hear a male voice answer his "Hey babe." Bill dropped everything to come get me and then C. He was very busy on the job but he came anyway. He was in the Boro and I was in Hermitage. He came anyway. After he got us both he told C is she'd let him use the clippers on her hair he'd buzz his for her.
We got home and he was so patient with her. He kept telling her how pretty she was going to be and that she was going to look like Tinkerbell with her pixie cut. She did very well. She sat in the floor of the bathroom in front of him and read a book and sang ABCs. We washed everything and bagged up all her toys (again). I told her we could paint her nails and toenails anytime. She kept telling me "hair grows just like flowers mommy!" And "It's hair just like daddy's!" (Daddy is in the Army).
This morning she picked out her prettiest dress to wear and headed out to school. When Bill dropped us off at my car (couldn't drive home yesterday) I told him I loved him. I heard this little voice holler at him, "I luf you too!" It was almost my undoing. I wanted to cry. She's so resilient. Children are resilient. Things have been hectic and stressful but she's just rolling with the punches.
And I didn't really need the proof, but he does love me, so much! I don't know what I would have done without his help yesterday.
The other night Bill and I were watching West Wing (no surprise there). Between episodes he mentioned, "Honey, you introduced me to a lot of things." I smirked and asked what it was I had introduced him to. His response? "The good stuff" and promptly broke out into song.
For those of you unfamiliar with Kenny Chesney or country music, he was referring to Chesney's song, "The Good Stuff". The lyrics are here:
Well, me and my lady had our first big fight So I drove around 'till I saw the neon lights Of a corner bar, It just seemed right, So I pulled up Not a soul around but the old barkeep Down at the end and loooking half asleep But he walked up and said what'll it be? I said the good stuff He didn't reach around for the whiskey He didn't pour me a beer His blue eyes kinda went misty He said you can't find that here 'Cause it's the first long kiss on a second date Momma's all worried when you get home late And droppin' the ring in the spaghetti plate 'cause your hands are shakin' so much And it's the way that she looks with the rice in her hair Eatin' burnt supper the whole first year And askin' for seconds to keep her from tearin' up Yeah man, that's the good stuff
He grabbed a carton of milk and he poured a glass And I smiled and said I'll have some of that We sat there and talked as an hour passed like old friends Saw a black and white picture and he caught my stare It was a pretty girl with mufont hair He said that's my Bonnie, taken about a year after we wed He said I spent five years in the bottle when the cancer took her from me But I've been sober three years now 'Cause the one thing stronger than the whiskey Was the sight of her holdin' my baby girl The way she adored that string of pearls I gave her the day that our youngest boy Earl married his high school love It's a new t-shirt sayin' I'm a grandpa Bein' right there as our time got small And holdin' her hand when The Good Lord called her up Yeah man, that's the good stuff
He said when you get home she'll start to cry When she says I'm sorry, say so am I And look into those eyes so deep in love And drink it up 'Cause that's the good stuff That's the good stuff
I was really surprised at your reaction in the last e-mail. Your Dad would NOT tell C that he wished that he could raise her. Your Dad is NOT going to kidnap C or brainwash her against you. Don't use C as a bargaining chip and put her in the middle. Don't be bitter against those who love you and truly care about you.
Love,
Mom
What is so laughable is my mom, while she loves her family, is the bitterest woman I know. She never forgets when someone has wronged her or her family. And I wasn't trying to use C as a bargaining chip. I think I stated clearly my intention to keep her in mom's life but not allowing possible communication back to her that could and would undermine her dad and I.
I got a call last night from a friend of mine. It was really nice to hear what she had to say. She was just telling me to remember I'm the mom and I'm the one that has C's best interests at heart. We talked quite awhile. She is going through some issues with her parents too regarding her child. They're not trying to take her away but they are clashing regarding what they think should happen versus what she thinks (or knows) is the best for her daughter. And even though I truly feel like we have a huge family, the truth is I am ultimately only responsible for one child, my biological one. It's up to me, every decision, every call, every possible conceived plan of action, it's up to me. Bill is wonderful to support me but in the end it's just me.
She asked me if I was willing to loose my mom. My answer was that I am willing to loose anyone who is that angry I won't adhere to their religious beliefs and wants my child taken away. I don't need that kind of cancer in my life. Bill thinks I should confront my father but the truth is it won't change his mind. Nothing will change him or his way of thinking. I would just as soon have nothing to say to him. I truly feel like there's been a death in my family. While I'm not second guessing my decision, I am sad. At one time I counted him among my best friends. I respected him. I thought he was so wise!
I've been subdued that past couple of days. And angry. And sad. I'm trying not to lash out at anyone who doesn't deserve it. Last night I soaked in a hot bath, hoping that would help. It did relax my body, but my mind was still going. I couldn't sleep last night. And when one thing bothers me, everything else does too. Things that normally don't matter are irritating the crap out of me. Things will turn back up, I just need to remember to keep my mouth shut until then or I'll say something I don't mean and later will regret.
Now, there is something I need to address. I was told that last night Dad said
he wished he could raise C. As I said in Fall 2007 this is unacceptable. I will not tolerate it. I can no longer trust dad around C. I will not have him saying things like that to her or to people who could tell her. I could understand his sentiment if I was beating her, or on drugs, or a hooker, but I'm not and I will not tolerate that kind of talk and judgement in our lives. So, from now on, he will not be allowed around her and if you wish to see her you will do so without him. I'm done pretending we're all a big happy family and loving each other when the truth is you would all be happier if ex-husband and I were dead and C could no longer be around me. I'm so evil after all. There will be no more overnight visits to your home when he is there, no afternoons, no trips, if he is to be involved. I can't trust him and refuse to allow my child to interact with someone who thinks that way and gives voice to his thoughts. I only tell you this because she loves you and I would like to let her continue to see her. Were that not the case I would simply not answer any communication.
Let me again say, I love you. I want you to be in her life and mine. And I want to be there for you. But I am done letting my father manipulate me or my daughter. You are always welcome in my home and so is little sister. I love you both.
I was just informed my dad wishes he could take C and raise her. Most of you know I have made choices he doesn't agree with and fall before last my sister threatened to take her too. Why? Because they saw Bill's truck at my apartment. I.e. they were stalking me. They told me they drove by to see if he was there. I had gradually let them back into her life after 3 months of constantly looking over my shoulder wondering if they really were going to take her. I had an apartment, was paying all my own bills, and my child was loved and cared for. Still is, incidently. I was telling Bill's sister today, "Why can't they just love me?"
Bill just asked me, "How many kids did he raise?" The answer is NONE. He was a workaholic and always gone. He wouldn't even change a diaper or her clothes when he is with her. WHAT THE FUCK gives him the RIGHT to even THINK about taking my child??? FUCK HIM. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK HIM. He'll never see her again. EVER. HAPPY FUCKING EASTER, BITCHES.
He sends her messages full of sweet nothings. When she messages him, "Good morning" he responds, "It will be when I see your eyes."
When engrossed in a moment of passion he tells her, "You're a prize far greater than any king could ask for." And when the moment has passed he still is of opinion.
Her brand and type of shampoo sits in his shower. He bought it and placed it there himself.
He endears himself to her by being a wonderful father to his own children and a good influence on hers, considering them all to be included.
He writes poetry about her with lines such as, "My heart has been painted with the color of your eyes." And "My soul listens for the sound of your voice."
He writes song lyrics about her such as, "She may be hidin' horns but all I can see is her halo." And he leaves it unfinished for when the song is done, perhaps they are done.
He wraps his arms around her at night, making her secure in the knowledge he is there for her.
He is patient with her, listening and understanding. He is careful to talk things out rather than letting her fiery temper stay flared. And he does so because he wants to know her opinions and stance because she is his equal and what she has to say matters.
He forges a partnership with her. They create a life together. And everday is better than the one before. And everyday she falls deeper and deeper and deeper in love with him.
Its good that she does, becauase that was probably his plan all along.
They were heading back north after a fun evening with her sister and bff.She was listening to him belt out Bon Jovi like he was still touring with his band.If she had been around then, she most assuredly would have been a groupie.He. Still. Did. It. For. Her.Two years and counting and she still couldn't get over the way he made her catch her breath when she looked at him and realized, "Damn, he's mine."He had taken off his sunglasses but his dark tanned skin contrasted so attractively with his lighter hair.She just stared at him, taking him in again.The music was thumping through the Jeep and she leaned her head back and enjoyed listening to him.Gradually she started wishing they were home NOW.She was so aroused, thinking about jumping him when they got home.She reached over and ran her fingers over his denim clad thigh.His skin was warm to her touch.She kept up her stroking, just enjoying touching him.Gradually she inched her hand up to his belt.Just as she reached the buckle, he was there, unbuckling and jerking the belt through the loops.He tossed it over his shoulder into the back as she reached in and freed him from the confines of his jeans.His shaft was silky smooth to the touch.She got on her knee in her seat, leaned over, and took him in her mouth.She heard his sharp intake of breath as she began licking and sucking on his cock.His hand roamed her back, then down to her ass, grabbing her.As she took him deep in her mouth over and over he jerked the back of her shirt up to touch her bare skin.She kept licking and sucking on him as the miles flew by.He was moaning and grabbing her ass as she continued her assault on his cock.Finally they entered the city and she had to pull back.There was too much traffic to continue.She sat back with a satisfied smile on her face, knowing that wouldn't be the end.
When they got home they headed inside.They got ready for bed like any other night.When she got in bed he reached for her, running his hands across her body.She loved his rough hands on her skin.They were a man's hands, hard working hands.She loved that about him.He kissed across the back of her neck and down to her shoulders.The feel of his lips on her hot, naked flesh was exhilarating.Suddenly he flipped her on her stomach and was on top her.His touch wasn't so tender anymore.He kissed her shoulders once again and then reached to her eyes.He slid the blindfold around her eyes and then put her hands and feet into the cuffs.Then he wrapped the collar around her neck, pulling it tight like she likes.That's when she felt the coldness of the chain on her back.He ran it down her back and slid it against her hot, wet, shaved pussy.The feel of the cold metal against her excited her even more.He hooked the chain to the front of her collar and then to her cuffed hands behind her.She lay there, immobile, with the curves of the cold chain rubbing against her clit with her every breath.
He left her there, on all fours, and ran his hands down her back.She was already moaning and moving against the curves of the chain.The feel of the cold curves against her shaved pussy was intoxicating.She felt something pushing against her asshole.She felt like such a whore, chained up and under his total control.He slid the beads into her ass and she moaned and moved her pussy against the chain.When the beads were inside her, he reached out and spanked her ass.That only made her more excited and move faster against the chain.Her neck strained against the collar.He spanked her again.She screamed.Her hands jerked up behind her, pulling the chain taut against her pussy.He spanked her again.She screamed and moaned and started cumming.Her pussy pulsated and her wetness was everywhere.Then she felt the vibrator on her clit.The vibrations were moving the chain against her.She was on sensory overload.A few more minutes moving against the chain with the vibrator and she came again.Her hands were pulled as high as they would go behind her.Her neck was still straining against the chain.Her feet were also restrained.She could do nothing but lay there and take it.She came and came and came again.The chain against her pussy, the restraints holding her back, she was his whore.She begged him to let her hands go, she needed to touch herself.He did then uncuff one hand, allowing her to touch her hot, wet pussy.She barely touched herself and came again.
He uncuffed her feet and leaned back and she followed him.She took his cock deep into her throat, desperately wanting to take it all, wanting him to fuck her mouth.She sucked on his cock while he ran his hands over her skin and to her breasts.He pinched her nipples, eliciting a moan from her.The more he touched her the harder and faster she sucked his cock.He reached down to her chin, pulled her face to him, and kissed her.Then he called her something she hadn't heard in a long time."Ummm, shedaisee is such a whore.God you suck my cock like a whore."The name gave her pause.It was an old nickname from days before she'd met him, days when she was a swinger and went to sex parties.It made her suck him even harder.Then he said, "Come up here, take my cock in your pussy."She rose up, and took his cock deep inside her.She screamed at the intrusion.God, he felt divine.They moved together.He sucked and nibbled at her nipples.She placed her hands above his head, steadying herself as the rode him."Are you my whore?" he asked."Yeeeeeeeessssssss," she moaned, riding him harder."You want me to cum inside you?" he asked."Ohhhh, god, yes!Please!" was her response.And he did.He exploded inside her as she began to cum, pulsating and shaking.She collapsed on top of him, both completely spent.
Happily unmarried for over three years now. Between us we have 5 children. Work full time. Graduated with my bachelor's May 2009. Life is hectic but always interesting. It's worth it. We make it work though. Just another day in paradise...
Her tummy hurt, she had refused to go poop in the bathroom facilities at the camp ground, and she was all stopped up. I was concerned. I tend to do the normal first time mom thing and spaz about her at every little thing. 
adventurous
thoughtful 
![love.jpg ;]] image by lad_jok3r](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_vcLziRrjVmvQ_W23jveao1qtmOD5h-7Eay3I2mDLqmTpDywu029o91X89DgTHC7JhGGpORgGvGosgmDDfcMsvjf0mSfKG4AJN6xiFHgTe_BfIcu3kUuB991P8Lk7Q=s0-d)
