Wedding Weekend

So a second cousin of mine got married yesterday. We've known the wedding was coming for a few months. It was kid weekend. I RSVP'd for six with a note that said if six was a problem to please let me know. No one ever called. So we planned on going. The girls brought dresses down. K's mom sent him nice khakis and I made sure Intri had something nice that was also clean.



My cousin and her baby came to visit Friday. We had a great time catching up, talking, and generally enjoying ourselves. I was so pleased she liked us enough to make the trip. She had planned on going to the wedding but was uneasy about traveling back at night with the baby, so when we left for the wedding, she left for home. All the kids loved meeting the baby and playing with him though!





The ceremony was beautiful. We were a few minutes late but that's nothing new with my family. We snuck in the back, taking up almost an entire row. CL told me she cried a little, it was so sweet. The minister told the story of when the groom realized he was going to marry the bride. She asked him when deer season ended and he told her in another week. Her response? Well, you'd better go all you can then. His brother from another mother reportedly told him if the groom didn't marry her, he would.



When the ceremony ended we waited for my dad, aunt, uncle, and Nana. They were all excited to see all of us. I was shocked. My Nana hugged the girls and said she felt she knew them she'd heard so much about them. All of my family, cousins, uncles, aunts, and others I hadn't seen in years openly accepted us as a family unit. There were a few, "Are you going to get married?"s but overall it was just very nice. It meant so much to me when the bride's mother, my great-aunt (although she's my dad's age) came up to me and asked if our table was alright since the other family sitting with us had two little children. She had thought we would get along well. I thanked her for making us welcome. I told her I had meant it when I said to just let me know if six was too many. She said the bride was adamant it be family friendly and that our family seemed to be quite at home here. I love her so much. Always have. She has an understanding of my family as an outsider since she married into it. She's always been dear to me. Another cousin of mine took lots of photos for me, including a family shot. I am waiting on her to email those.



At the reception the they had notebooks at each table for guests to write messages in. Wouldn't you know, K, being the sweet boy he is, wrote a note with a little spelling help from Intri. It included the very long hard word congratulations. :)



The girls got bored waiting for the bride and groom and did what teenage girls do:

CL

JA

My dad became a jungle gym but never complained when K joined C in climbing on him. He played with them both equally the entire time. I was REALLY impressed.


My 84 year old sweet Nana sat and watched it all. C gave her a sticker that said "love" that had been on the table. She wore it the entire time. She just basked in being around her family.



As I stood in line to get the kids plates my little sister surprised us and came in. She had had to work but came over afterward. I was so happy to see her. She looked just beautiful. She had eaten pizza the night before, so apparently missing her gallbladder hasn't slowed her down. My cousin took some photos of us but I haven't received them yet. Intri had escorted her in on his arm. He texted me and said, "Watch your dad have a heart attack. About to escort your sister in." :) Poor Intri was sick as a dog. He woke up feeling achy and congested. He finally figured out he had chipped a wisdom tooth and it's probably infected. Trooper that he is, he went anyway. He quipped to K that even being sick he and K were going to be the best looking men there. I think he was right.



After I had gotten the kids plates I was walking back across the floor when Intri grabbed me and sweetly danced with me. I had two BBQ plates in my hands but just danced with him. I got lost for a few seconds until I heard one of the kids say, "Where's the bathroom?" I mumbled against his lips, "I have no idea..." until I was jolted out of my reverie and realized they really did need to know where it was. ;) And let me say, COC wedding + dj & dance floor = wow. I had a blast. Not sure everyone agreed with it but I thought it was well done. I did have my sister take a family shot with my cell until I get those other photos from my cousin. I think this is the first family photo we've had with both little ones, the two girls, and us, especially all dressed up.



We took our leave and headed for home where the little ones promptly crashed.





It was a wonderful afternoon with family I'd forgotten love me no matter what. I was very anxious about going but I'm so glad we did. More than one person told me I looked just like my mother and was beautiful just like her. Multiple people told me I looked radiantly happy. I am. This is the life I never knew to wish for. Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must've done something good... (Song line credit: The Sound of Music).

You're beautiful, just like your mother.

Today I took a few hours off of work to attend my little sister's Honor's Day at my alma mater. She is graduating next week with her honor's high school diploma. She has had health problems all through high school and the fact that she is graduating at all should be impressive. She is going to my college alma mater on a Presidential Scholarship she earned through academic achievement and competition among others in her class. To say I am very proud is an understatement.



With my mother in Georgia with my older sister who just had her fourth baby, it was left to my father to be the family support today. She asked me to come, and I was more than happy to oblige. I was proud to be there. She is going to school on an honor's scholarship, works a part time job, and just had her gallbladder removed. She's my hero. And as I sat in the audience and watched her accept her awards I was acutely aware of the role I had had to play in her development. I was a source of strength and love for her, a refuge from the home we both grew up in. I was grateful she allowed me to be there for her.



Sadly, I had to leave before the ceremony was over to get back to work on time. I felt alright, I had seen the important parts (her part). As I walked back up the aisle a teacher stepped into my path. I did not recognize him but thought maybe I had had him in school. He stuck out his hand to greet me and said, "You're beautiful, just like your mother." I was taken aback, appreciative but taken aback. Then he introduced himself, he was an old friend of my parents. He had known me since I was three. I thanked him and walked on out with a spring in my step.



The school was the same. Had the same smell, same paint, albeit a new coat, the teachers hadn't changed. Most were a little older, but then again so was I. The students hadn't changed. The faces had, but the stereotypes had stayed the same.

Case in point:

Six Years Isn't Long Between Friends

This weekend I am relaxed and rejuvenated. About six months ago I reconnected with two ladies I had been great friends with when I was first married. Back then we all lived in the same 1950s hotel turned apartment building in a military/college town in northern middle Tennessee. It was 2002. I was newly married. My parents had lived in this same town when my older sister was a baby. They had been great friends with a family at church who had a daughter a few years older than I. She and I met at church and we hit it off instantly. I lived close to campus, she lived out in the country. When my ex husband deployed to Iraq she stayed with me quite a bit to be closer to campus and to give me some company. She was as genuine and radiant as any iris I'd ever seen. And so was she named such. Then the other lady moved into our building. She was open and caring and shone with creativity and life, like a day lily. She was Lindsey and she quickly became a part of Iris' and my circle.



The year we spent together wasn't always easy. We were women in our twenties. There was jealousy on some levels, resentment on others, and genuine twenties slacking off. But through it all we remained close. Lindsey's husband and mine were deployed with different units. Iris simply was a giver and caretaker and we desperately needed that. We spent a year of being each other's family, for good or for ill. Our husbands returned from war. Iris met her future husband, and my ex got orders to Colorado. I had lived in Tennessee my entire life, we got orders to Colorado and then the very next day I found out I was expecting our daughter. The girls, not to mention my mother, were not exactly happy we were leaving. However, when you're in the Army home is where the Army sends you. We went.



Colorado was a dark, lonely time for me. I was pregnant and having complications. Iris was getting married and I couldn't be there. Lindsey went through issues of her own with her now defunct marriage and we all lost touch. I had my daughter, Iris married and had her daughter, just a few months apart. Lindsey did her own thing, she's always been that way. I lost touch with her completely.



When I moved home from Colorado after my divorce I found Iris on a social media site. We were able to reconnect and at least talk about our lives. Last fall I was surfing around on the same social media site and ran across a lady with the same name as Lindsey. Her profile picture was a picture of a cat, it looked like the same cat she had had when I knew her. I couldn't let it pass by. I emailed the lady, said I hoped she didn't think I was crazy, and wondered. A few days later Lindsey responded. It was her and she lived two miles from my front door. You could have bowled me over with a feather. We decided to meet for lunch one day and did so. It was like we had never been apart. We then decided to try to get a reunion together.



Shortly thereafter friends of ours had a baby very early. They needed a breast pump. Knowing Iris had two children (her son was born two and a half years ago) I sent her a message, asked if she had one. She did. We ran up to her home and pick it up. It, too, was like we had never been apart. Her parents, always good to me and my family, were warm and gracious, entreating us to stay longer and come back if we could.



This spring Iris began singing with the Nashville Symphony Chorus. She has the voice of an angel, always has. We began meeting one Monday a month near her practice facility for dinner and drinks. It has been fabulous to reconnect. During one of these dinners we decided we all needed to get together for an old fashioned sleepover. With Intri in Arizona until Saturday and my house empty and too quiet, the thought of a long Friday night alone rattling around my house didn't appeal to me very much. So I packed up all my scrapbooks that they wanted to see, my daughter, and myself and headed north. I picked up Lindsey on the way. We were off!



Lindsey had never met my daughter so she was excited to meet her as well. On the way we called Iris to decide on a place to eat. Miraculously we managed to make a decision in less than five minutes, something that would have taken us an hour six years before. I remarked we must have grown up a lot. We arrived in the middle of Friday night soldiers and their families induced traffic. Some things never change. When we met Iris and her husband at the restaurant it was hugs and love all around. We immediately fell back into our old patterns of random conversations strung together by "oh yeah, remember this"s. We are genuinely happy for each other and the things we've accomplished and the places we've grown into. Iris is always quick with a compliment, never insincere. We talked about how Lindsey was always pretty, Iris' new haircut suits her personality, and they both said I always looked like a rock star. I gotta hang out with them more often. They make me feel wonderful about myself.



My daughter was shy at first but warmed up quickly and was soon hopping to the bathroom with Iris. Our conversations had changed. We now talked about Miralax, GasX, and Prevacid instead of what club we were going to visit and what outfit we were going to wear. But the friendship and love for each other had not changed one bit. We're older, maybe a little wiser, more settled and not young as we used to be. There's no jealousy that was sometimes evident in our early twenties, no resentment for something the other has. Just friendship and love.



2 pitchers of Sangria later we headed for their home. We arrived and settled in. They looked at my scrapbooks, Iris went through some clothes I had brought her, and we just gabbed and had a big ole time. While looking through a scrapbook I had completed of the year my ex husband was deployed and all the things I had done, mostly with these women, Iris broke down into tears, touched that I had thought enough about the two of them to do a book with them in it.



Iris' son crashed out early, as did her husband, but we were up late into the night. My daughter, also, was up late, playing with "new" (i.e. not hers) toys. We finally called it around 1:30. I awoke the next morning early. I laughed at myself and how adult I have become. I stumbled downstairs to find coffee and then ran in and jumped on Iris' bed. We girl talked for quite awhile about our lives, our spouses, our families, everything.



We woke up Lindsey, had breakfast, then stepped outside into the beautiful, private Kentucky farmland. Our children played together. We played with them and talked some more. It finally became evident it was time to go. As I went in to take a shower I told Iris not to cry yet, I wasn't leaving yet. She asked, "How did you know? I hadn't teared up?" Friends know. She does this thing with her mouth, sets it determinedly that she won't cry.



After I showered I put my new dress on. A column maxi dress I was going to wear to pick up Intri from the airport. It was very pretty was way too long. Being the busy, skip-over-the-minor-details-in-life person that I am I was just going to pick it up and go on. Or hem it with bobby pins. Iris, knowing me and knowing this, told me to hand the dress over. "You look like a Grecian goddess. But I need ot hem it." Fifteen minutes later I had a perfectly hemmed dress. That is something I never would have done for myself. Lindsey took photos of all the children with her very nice camera, again something I never would have done for myself. We make a very good balance, the three of us. If we ever got together in a concentrated effort I don't think there's anything we couldn't accomplish.



On the way out of town Iris' dad took us to eat BBQ. It was beautiful outside and the kids played a little there too. As we prepared to leave we all decided we had to do this again SOON. And her father encouraged me to bring Intri and the other children. Some things never change. Some friendships will never die. Times change, people change, but the platonic love of women friends is forever.

Nashville Mother's Day Flood Project

My five year old daughter was watching the news with me one morning last week. The reporter interviewed a high school age girl who was helping with the clean up efforts. She said, "You don't have to know how to do dry wall to help. If you can use paper towels and rubber gloves, you can help." My tender hearted five year old turns, looks at me and asks, "Mommy, when do we get to go help?" My answer was as soon as I figure out something safe for you to do. And so, a friend of an old coworker of mine came up with the idea to make cookies and cards to distribute to the mom's affected by the Nashville floods.

I thought this was a fantastic idea. A friend of mine and her two children came over Friday night. That 4, 5, and 6 year old worked for hours making three dozen cards and helping us make nine dozen cookies for goodie bags for the moms. We kept telling them they were going to make mommies very happy. They were proud.

And I wouldn't trade one single day

"Is this the Shedaisee that I knew in Colorado? There's only ever been one woman I knew by that name. I lost touch with her several years ago. Please let me know if this is her." When I read that email loaded into my work inbox I was stunned. It had been over three years since I'd last had any contact with this man. I should explain who he is. I was gonna marry him. After my ex and I decided to get divorced, or rather after I found out my ex was planning a life with another woman and I told him I was divorcing him, I fell hard, fast, and deep for this man. This married man. I'm no saint. Never claimed to be. He swept me off my feet. He was everything my ex husband wasn't. He planned to pay off some debt and follow me home to Tennessee.



I moved home to Tennessee. I got some perspective. I realized that if he could find it in his heart do this WITH me, he could do it TO me. If he could fall hard and fast for me. If he could leave his wife of more than ten years, his wife who he said was the best person he's ever known, he could just as easily fall for someone else while we were together.



Right about the time I realized this, I met Intri. Intri was supposed to be a one night stand, a night to let loose, blow off some steam. Only the next morning when I rode back home in his truck, I snuggled up next to him and felt... Safe. I liked that. Over the ensuing days and weeks we talked and I came to realize I needed what Intri had more than I needed anything this other man had to offer. So I dumped him. I called him, told him don't disrupt your life, don't leave your wife, don't come here, I don't' want you here. I hung up the phone and I have never regretted that decision.



As you know, Intri and I have gone on to build a life together. It's the most stable, happiest situation I've ever been in. My life is a combination of happy coincidences (meeting Intri) and choices I've made (deciding to terminate my relationship with this man). I think everyone has moments of "What if I'd done this differently? What if I'd made a different choice here?" But those answers don't always come.



I was shaken when I saw his email address. How did he get my email? Then I saw he had been forwarded an email I had written about the Nashville flooding. My company has seven locations across the United States. I have patients in all fifty states. Many of my patients had been asking how they could help Nashville. I sent out an email with links to websites for Hands on Nashville, The Community Fund of Middle Tennessee, and of course, the Nashville Red Cross. It truly is a small world. I didn't know what to do. I called Intri. Most here would say, "Why did you tell him? He never would have known?" But I've always been honest with him and it would be lying to him by omission if I didn't tell him.



I asked him what to do. His Solomon-like answer? "Write him back if you feel the need. Or don't." I told him I didn't think anything good could come from writing him back. "Then don't," he said sensibly. But you know how women are. We can't leave a scab alone. Even an emotional one. I responded. I said yes it was me and I hoped his girls were doing well. Very noncommittal. His response was full of bitterness and anger. And he has every right to be angry. I dumped his ass. Hard. He told me if I'd only waited, about six weeks after I dumped him his wife won $200,000 in the Powerball Lottery. Colorado is a no fault state. He would have walked away with half of her winnings and half of the equity in their very nice home. He said he just thought he'd rub some salt in the wound.



I sat at my desk. I stared at that $200,000 figure. I didn't know what to say. And the longer I sat there the more I began to think about our mortgage, which is two months behind. Our electric bill is always a month behind. I have no idea where our water bill is but I'm sure it's behind too. I paid my credit card bill this month. Late. I drive an eight year old car. My daughter wears hand-me-downs. I shop at Goodwill. And as I thought about those things it became crystal clear to me that I would not trade coming home to Intri everyday, falling asleep in his arms, or this life we've built together for $200,000 with this man or any other man. THAT is a fantastic feeling.



My response back was concise. I simply told him nothing more I could say would improve the situation and left it at that. My life is a combination of happy coincidences and choices I've made. And I'm proud of my choices. And our life.