"Is this the Shedaisee that I knew in Colorado? There's only ever been one woman I knew by that name. I lost touch with her several years ago. Please let me know if this is her." When I read that email loaded into my work inbox I was stunned. It had been over three years since I'd last had any contact with this man. I should explain who he is. I was gonna marry him. After my ex and I decided to get divorced, or rather after I found out my ex was planning a life with another woman and I told him I was divorcing him, I fell hard, fast, and deep for this man. This married man. I'm no saint. Never claimed to be. He swept me off my feet. He was everything my ex husband wasn't. He planned to pay off some debt and follow me home to Tennessee.
I moved home to Tennessee. I got some perspective. I realized that if he could find it in his heart do this WITH me, he could do it TO me. If he could fall hard and fast for me. If he could leave his wife of more than ten years, his wife who he said was the best person he's ever known, he could just as easily fall for someone else while we were together.
Right about the time I realized this, I met Intri. Intri was supposed to be a one night stand, a night to let loose, blow off some steam. Only the next morning when I rode back home in his truck, I snuggled up next to him and felt... Safe. I liked that. Over the ensuing days and weeks we talked and I came to realize I needed what Intri had more than I needed anything this other man had to offer. So I dumped him. I called him, told him don't disrupt your life, don't leave your wife, don't come here, I don't' want you here. I hung up the phone and I have never regretted that decision.
As you know, Intri and I have gone on to build a life together. It's the most stable, happiest situation I've ever been in. My life is a combination of happy coincidences (meeting Intri) and choices I've made (deciding to terminate my relationship with this man). I think everyone has moments of "What if I'd done this differently? What if I'd made a different choice here?" But those answers don't always come.
I was shaken when I saw his email address. How did he get my email? Then I saw he had been forwarded an email I had written about the Nashville flooding. My company has seven locations across the United States. I have patients in all fifty states. Many of my patients had been asking how they could help Nashville. I sent out an email with links to websites for Hands on Nashville, The Community Fund of Middle Tennessee, and of course, the Nashville Red Cross. It truly is a small world. I didn't know what to do. I called Intri. Most here would say, "Why did you tell him? He never would have known?" But I've always been honest with him and it would be lying to him by omission if I didn't tell him.
I asked him what to do. His Solomon-like answer? "Write him back if you feel the need. Or don't." I told him I didn't think anything good could come from writing him back. "Then don't," he said sensibly. But you know how women are. We can't leave a scab alone. Even an emotional one. I responded. I said yes it was me and I hoped his girls were doing well. Very noncommittal. His response was full of bitterness and anger. And he has every right to be angry. I dumped his ass. Hard. He told me if I'd only waited, about six weeks after I dumped him his wife won $200,000 in the Powerball Lottery. Colorado is a no fault state. He would have walked away with half of her winnings and half of the equity in their very nice home. He said he just thought he'd rub some salt in the wound.
I sat at my desk. I stared at that $200,000 figure. I didn't know what to say. And the longer I sat there the more I began to think about our mortgage, which is two months behind. Our electric bill is always a month behind. I have no idea where our water bill is but I'm sure it's behind too. I paid my credit card bill this month. Late. I drive an eight year old car. My daughter wears hand-me-downs. I shop at Goodwill. And as I thought about those things it became crystal clear to me that I would not trade coming home to Intri everyday, falling asleep in his arms, or this life we've built together for $200,000 with this man or any other man. THAT is a fantastic feeling.
My response back was concise. I simply told him nothing more I could say would improve the situation and left it at that. My life is a combination of happy coincidences and choices I've made. And I'm proud of my choices. And our life.
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