Women are funny creatures. Women, on the whole, aren't happy when their girlfriends are. There are some rare exceptions. I simply don't understand why the green monster rears its ugly head in female to female friendships. It seems we (yes, I'm no exception to the rule occassionally) have an insatiable need to be the best, to have the best, to be recognized as the best. This desire serves well in professional arenas. Not so much in personal ones.
A girl I was friends with from middle school through to my freshman year of college was the prime example. She was a couple of years ahead of me in school. I was drawn to her seeming maturity, her command of situations. What I discovered was a bossy, self-centered, grossly spoiled young lady that was never happy when I was. She was rarely happy FOR me. I truly believe much of this has to do with the church of Christ mentality I've come to realize is a cancer in my life that never seems to go away. While she was full of advice and pushy "you really ought to do this"es her own life was in shambles. She flunked out of her freshman year of school, she couldn't seem to make headway towards making something of herself. When I met my exhusband and told her we were getting married she flipped out. Instead of being happy for me, she proceeded to tell me how I was ruining my life and it was either him or her. We haven't spoken since that conversation, nine years ago. While my ex and I did divorce, I still don't regret walking away from someone who claimed to love me and be my best friend but demanded I choose.
Then there are users. While I don't mind helping anyone, my home is always open, and what I have is yours if you ask, there are the females who take and take and then when you finally dig your heels in and say no, the tables turn. Women who claimed to be your best friend aren't around when you start putting yourself first again. Maybe its my fault. I insist on helping. Sometimes it could be unwanted. Maybe its a saviour mentality. I want to nurture and care for them. I want to be the mama hen.
I don't understand women who don't understand your situation and resent you for it. It's constant at work. Bill and I aren't married. How can we be happy? We HAVE to get married. There's health insurance to consider! There's no way I'm happy without him having a ring on his finger everyday. Um, he wouldn't wear it anyway, it's an OSHA violation. I guess it's just a foreign concept, happiness with a man without marriage. I've already been down the matrimonial road. I have no desire to go back.
As for exceptions, there are a few in my life. My very best and oldest friend (in duration, not age) and I have known each other all our lives. Our mothers were pregnant at the same time. We were church nurseried together, schooled together, and played together. She has, quite simply, always been there. She's never judged me. She's never shunned me for reasons unknown. And, I hope, she feels the same about me. I was her maid of honor. I would have walked from Colorado to Tennessee if I'd had to to be there. She called me one night after a boyfriend had beat the shit out of her. I sent my father to sit in front of her apartment until I could get there. We're there for each other, no jealousy, no ulterior motives. And the funny thing is we don't talk much. She's very busy. I'm very busy. But when we do reconnect its like we were never apart. Twenty-seven years and counting and it doesn't look to change anytime soon.
My college roommate is another no ulterior motive friend for life. We met the first week of school and were kindred spirits. We were very much alike in upbringing. Maybe that was what brought us together. She is randomly off the wall funny. I have often said it was worth the tuition I paid to live with her. She was my personal antidepressant. We've been together through collectively five children, three husbands, and six different moves. And I don't see loosing touch with her anytime soon either.
So, I need more lasting friendships. Maybe I need to tend my gardens better. I just had a conversation with a girlfriend this week in which we both said we didn't have many close friends and have trouble maintaining female friendships. I told her I really needed to cultivate some friendships because if I cut myself off completely I would end up all alone. Bill is fifteen years my senior and most of the relatives on his mothers side have been lost to cancer. Sadly, I'm looking at loosing him to cancer as well, if he follows suit. And if I haven't kept up good, healthy relationships, I'll truly be left all alone.
I don't need drama. I don't need complications. I need genuine friends with no ulterior motives. Those, I'm sure, are few and far between. And to gain them, I need to be what I'm looking for. So here's to being what I desire. Happy New Year.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
A girl I was friends with from middle school through to my freshman year of college was the prime example. She was a couple of years ahead of me in school. I was drawn to her seeming maturity, her command of situations. What I discovered was a bossy, self-centered, grossly spoiled young lady that was never happy when I was. She was rarely happy FOR me. I truly believe much of this has to do with the church of Christ mentality I've come to realize is a cancer in my life that never seems to go away. While she was full of advice and pushy "you really ought to do this"es her own life was in shambles. She flunked out of her freshman year of school, she couldn't seem to make headway towards making something of herself. When I met my exhusband and told her we were getting married she flipped out. Instead of being happy for me, she proceeded to tell me how I was ruining my life and it was either him or her. We haven't spoken since that conversation, nine years ago. While my ex and I did divorce, I still don't regret walking away from someone who claimed to love me and be my best friend but demanded I choose.
Then there are users. While I don't mind helping anyone, my home is always open, and what I have is yours if you ask, there are the females who take and take and then when you finally dig your heels in and say no, the tables turn. Women who claimed to be your best friend aren't around when you start putting yourself first again. Maybe its my fault. I insist on helping. Sometimes it could be unwanted. Maybe its a saviour mentality. I want to nurture and care for them. I want to be the mama hen.
I don't understand women who don't understand your situation and resent you for it. It's constant at work. Bill and I aren't married. How can we be happy? We HAVE to get married. There's health insurance to consider! There's no way I'm happy without him having a ring on his finger everyday. Um, he wouldn't wear it anyway, it's an OSHA violation. I guess it's just a foreign concept, happiness with a man without marriage. I've already been down the matrimonial road. I have no desire to go back.
As for exceptions, there are a few in my life. My very best and oldest friend (in duration, not age) and I have known each other all our lives. Our mothers were pregnant at the same time. We were church nurseried together, schooled together, and played together. She has, quite simply, always been there. She's never judged me. She's never shunned me for reasons unknown. And, I hope, she feels the same about me. I was her maid of honor. I would have walked from Colorado to Tennessee if I'd had to to be there. She called me one night after a boyfriend had beat the shit out of her. I sent my father to sit in front of her apartment until I could get there. We're there for each other, no jealousy, no ulterior motives. And the funny thing is we don't talk much. She's very busy. I'm very busy. But when we do reconnect its like we were never apart. Twenty-seven years and counting and it doesn't look to change anytime soon.
My college roommate is another no ulterior motive friend for life. We met the first week of school and were kindred spirits. We were very much alike in upbringing. Maybe that was what brought us together. She is randomly off the wall funny. I have often said it was worth the tuition I paid to live with her. She was my personal antidepressant. We've been together through collectively five children, three husbands, and six different moves. And I don't see loosing touch with her anytime soon either.
So, I need more lasting friendships. Maybe I need to tend my gardens better. I just had a conversation with a girlfriend this week in which we both said we didn't have many close friends and have trouble maintaining female friendships. I told her I really needed to cultivate some friendships because if I cut myself off completely I would end up all alone. Bill is fifteen years my senior and most of the relatives on his mothers side have been lost to cancer. Sadly, I'm looking at loosing him to cancer as well, if he follows suit. And if I haven't kept up good, healthy relationships, I'll truly be left all alone.
I don't need drama. I don't need complications. I need genuine friends with no ulterior motives. Those, I'm sure, are few and far between. And to gain them, I need to be what I'm looking for. So here's to being what I desire. Happy New Year.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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