Soundtrack of My Life

It doesn't matter where you are, or what you're doing. When a certain song comes on, you're instantly transported back to that time and place in your life when said song was significant for whatever reason. This is the soundtrack of your life. Mine is sort of odd...



My earliest memories center around acapella singing much like this. Curling up in my mom's lap with my head against her chest. I could hear her sweet voice singing in church. The church was always too hot and too crowded, even in winter. And my grandfather always preached and then handed out candy to the kids. Then there were the family car trips where we failed to sing four part harmony because not a one of us was a tenor. They all sounded about like this.


This was my first foray into "popular" music. I was the young, annoying kid to my older sister who was desperately trying to be cool in junior high and high school. This was the song they always sang so it was the song I sang... In the bathroom... To myself... at the tender age of seven. Maybe that's why I love Bon Jovi now? The big hair, the plastic accessories, the pointy toed flat shoes, and the huge flower printed dresses. Oh the eighties!


Who remembers this one? I wasn't allowed to watch it the whole way through, it was too racy, but I watched some of it. Ok, I snuck into the back of the living room when my sister and her friends weren't looking at her birthday sleepover. The poster was on my sister's wall. The music, I'll never forget, sitting in my flannel nightgown Indian style peeking between all those teenage girls with braces and big curly hair while my straight hair hung in my eyes. Oh how I longed to be cool!


My first concert. Geo Theatre, Opryland USA with my sister and her friend. Heaven knows why they let me tag along, maybe because my mom said they could only go if I went too... All the way to Nashville and all. The big city (heavens!). But yes, I remember this concert vividly. I remember being surprised when he introduced his wife, who was also a backup singer. I remember thinking she was too pretty for him.


Anyone not drunkenly done this at a wedding? Ok, not me, because church of Christ weddings don't allow drinking or dancing, but I've drunkenly done it nonetheless. This was the seventh grade SONG. I had a perm (a bad one), jellies were in style (again), and, I'm ashamed to admit, octogan shaped bronze glasses. They were worse than Coke bottle glasses.


There were times when I thought if I ever sang thing song again I would blow my brains out. This was sung at every youth church event, on every van ride to and from, hundreds of times every church camp session, and sometimes, just to be hip, the older people sang it at assembly. Whew, I'm so thankful I never have to sing it again!


I never quite understood why I liked this song, but in my junior high years, it was a favorite. Maybe because I always desperately wanted to be that woman who would be desired in a bar... I had very low self esteem. I was 12, who doesn't at 12?


Eighth grade prom, twenty-five 12 year old girls in formal dresses, borrowed jewelry and wrist corsages dancing in a circle to this song. The boys? In their rented tuxes all hugging the wall wondering why the hell the girls are so sweaty and what the fuck they did to their faces. It's called makeup and we only learn it better with age...


This, I'm ashamed to say, was the theme of said eighth grade prom. Yes, I had the pictures made. Yes, this is inscribed on each and every one. Oh, and it was a Mardi Gras theme and I'm wearing a purple and silver sequin dress with white ruffles on the bottom. Not my proudest moment looking back, but my mom bought it at a yard sale for $10 and I thought I was high stylin' then! Must find that photo...


Picture it, Waverly, Summer 1997. Jeff Smith, Shane Daniel, Tiffany, and I, one truck with a bench seat. Backroads. Spotlights for deer. Manual transmission. Dip cup. Carthart jackets. And this song...


Princess Diana, tragically taken August 1997. I had always thought her to be beautiful. Loved that she had been a commoner. I cried when she passed. So did all my friends.


My first "teenage" foray into popular (aka not country) music. Summer theme of 1997. Not bad, I guess.


Her name was Gillian. She was a friend of a friend. She lived in public housing, a place I'd never been. She smoked (shh! don't tell mom!). She was one of those kids that good church people pick up on Sundays and take to church when the parents can't be bothered (they think). She introduced me to the wonderful world of Jewel. I haven't been the same since.


End of freshman year JAM. It was just FUN!


I. Hated. This. Song. But nonetheless, when I hear it, I'm transported back to 1997 and wondering if that damn necklace is still out there.


Anytime a boy was fought over, this was the song that everyone sang in high school. And that was when Brandy was hot...


Matthew Moss. Sophomore year. Damn but he was my first introduction to the tortured artist male that so many women spend their life chasing.


Summer 1998.


Band Christmas Party 1998. Brian Allred. Also the night I learned the Chicken Dance. Shouldda been a clue...


I fancied myself to have a halo, even though I didn't have a 4 post bed...


October 1998 I got my license. Then I cruised jamming to THIS song up and down the strip.


Just made me want to fuck. I didn't even know what that really was then, but I knew I wanted to do it...


Senior Year Jam... Ye-ah...

Tonight is just one of those...

Tonight it was of those nights when I wish I didn't care so much about my family. Tonight is one of those nights when I wish I could just toss the kids off on a sitter and go raise hell at a bar or club. Throw off some steam. Let my hair down. Generally raise a ruckus. Tonight is one of those nights when I relive times that I truly wasn't as happy as I am now but had brief moments of euphoria. They were usually induced by tequila, but I digress. Tonight is just one of those nights when I wish I wasn't a responsible, mature adult who cared about her impact on her children and society.

And those times in the past I enjoyed weren't fulfilling. They weren't the solution to what my soul was aching for. But dammit, they were fun. And I have fun now. But alas, I'm pretty sure seasonal affective disorder has grabbed a hold of my brain and won't let go. In the past I would have just upped my medication and gone about my life. Now I simply try to cope by keeping my mouth shut in order to not hurt the ones I love. I feel more alive and less in a fog without the meds but sometimes I'll be honest. I miss them. I miss being able to blame them for, well, everything. My smile was empty and I had no joy, but that was okay because it wasn't my fault.

Tonight, I just want to have a beer, relax, and maybe reminisce about things I have moved on from. They weren't all bad experiences. I guess they're worth reliving occasionally. Because without that journey, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. And she's a pretty bad ass chick.

Logic Takes a Holiday

So most of you know by now my parents disagree with my life. I was going to say living situation but it's really more than that. It's everything. Shortly after I moved to Nashville my little sister wanted to visit me. My parents allowed her to come up here with a friend for dinner. She was not allowed to stay over, although her friend was, she was instructed to return home that night. I did not argue with my parents, though I thought it stupid. I reinforced to my sister she lived under their house and had to abide by their rules. Their reasoning for her not being able to spend the night? "The living situation with your sister." I.e. I'm "living in sin." They didn't want my sister to possibly get the impression they approve of my living with a man who is not my husband. Their call, their kid. I get it.

My understanding was blown to hell last night. My little sister's best friend's father was put into a local Nashville hospital with blood clots in his lungs. Very sad. I offered to come to the hospital and visit. They, instead, asked to meet for dinner and get out of the hospital. I agreed. I should explain, her best friend is a 18 year old homosexual male. HE is a wonderful friend to my little sister and I like him very much. He's great fun. Over the course of our dinner conversation it came to light that not only do mom and dad approve of her friendship with this young man BUT THEY LET HIM SLEEP OVER IN HER BED. My little sister cannot stay under my roof because I live with a man who is not my husband, but they allow a homosexual boy to sleep in her bed???

We all know I have nothing against homosexuals. No problem with them. But knowing my parents' convictions center on the Bible and their Christian beliefs, I am STUNNED. JUST STUNNED. I am left to wonder when I fell farther from their consideration than the very sexual morality they claim to despise. I am sure it's going to be a "hate the sin, not the sinner" argument, or "be in the world and not of the world" but frankly I'm so over being treated as less than a person, less than their daughter, because I was brave enough to make my own decisions in my life. That attitude JUST SICKENS ME.

On the other hand, my little sister has turned out relatively normal, thank heavens. She is incredibly well rounded and going to college with almost a full scholarship. Heaven knows how she ended up as well as she did. But I love her and will always be here for her.

I know... I know...

I know, I know. I said I was going to blog a lot. Well, then I realized I actually have a job that keeps me busy and with my commitment to working out every morning puts me to bed before the hours I used to blog. If you keep up with my facebook at all you've seen that the Yacht Club went to Gulf Shores a few weeks ago.


Sunrise, Palm Trees, SIGH....

When we were unloading we had two five day coolers. The guys, smart asses that they are, carried them in one trip up the stairs. Todd quipped as we all belly laughed, "Hey, somebody's saving a trip!"



Paige and I ran around while the boys and Red went on the boat the first day. The boys texted us about 11 saying the boat had broken, Todd was depressed and they were back at the house drinking margaritas. That was his solution to the problem. :) He had just had the boat worked on and for some reason the wiring caught on fire. I don't think that's good for the boat...



Saturday we rented a pontoon boat to go shrimping. Chris had bought a cast net and everything. We didn't catch anything but we had the most wonderful ride. We went through Perdido Bay and up into the bayous. We stopped for bait and bathroom at this random biker bar on a peninsula. There was live music, well behaved dogs EVERYWHERE, and fun people. There was also a boat moored there flying the Alabama Crimson Tide National Championship Flag. I was sitting on the top deck, yelled at the captain, "Roll Tide!" He looked up, fist pumped me, and said, "YES MA'AM!" Gotta love Alabama Football.











On the way back to the marina we beached at this wildlife preserve island and simply enjoyed the late afternoon. Todd and Paige saw a sting ray when they walked to the other side of the island. Red made a photo opportunity and we took some pictures there too.









So we pushed off and cruised through between the two islands until we saw the "No Motor Zone" sign. We turned back around as the sun was sinking low. We got some fabulous pictures of the sun setting on the water. Then we saw two dolphins racing another boat in the bay. Soon, they came up and raced our boat. They were within five feet of us. It made renting the pontoon absolutely worth it.







On the way back we drove to Hattiesburg, MS to eat at Ponchos, the Mexican restaurant Chris and Todd LOVE. We got home and collapsed into bed. But what a wonderful trip...